Thursday, July 28, 2022
Montiforte "Old World Scents"
Wise Guys Cooking Old World Scents
By Mike Colonna
MONTIFORTE
We’re also creating a designer toilet paper. It’s a messy business but we decided to tackle in head on.
DISALVO
What do you call your new toilet paper brand.
MONTIFORTE
Frank, we’ve been experimenting with names, right now we’re looking calling it “skittle wipes.” Another name we’ve been toying with in “Nugget Huggies.” Which name do you and Larry prefer?
DISALVO
I like “Nuggie Huggies.”
LARRY
I like “skittle wipes.” It reminds me of those little brown chocolate skittles.”
DISALVO
Have you come up with a jingle or motto for your new toilet paper?
MONTIFORTE
My favorite is “We’re number 1 in the number 2 business.”
DISALVO
That’s resonates. What do think Larry?
MONTIFORTE
We’re thinking of a few brand names that will turn the TP business on it’s head. I’m excited about the names we’re looking at. Brown Forest, or Miracle Wipes.
DISALVO
Frank congratulations folks will be looking forward to going to the bathroom.
MONTIFORTE
We’re creating a toilet paper that is soft to the skin. Some of the old brans have that sandpaper feel.
CAPELOTO
Some of the rough toilet paper out there makes you feel like your spending time stripping furniture.
MONTIFORTE
No only that, but scents and textures are very important. Women love perfumes, men love colognes, we plan to change the way folks look at toilet paper. Different fragrances from around the world.
DISALVO
I like the way you think.
MONTIFORTE
Some folks prefer lighting candles for their bathroom visits, lighting a match as it were, others use incense, I tell you boys you’re gonna love our fragrances.”
DISALVO
You’re keeping us in suspense. Let’s see what you’ve got.
MONTIFORTE
Now remember these scents are “old world scents.”
Monti pulls out four to five different rolls of toilet paper.
MONTIFORTE
We have scent from every old country. Let’s start with Spain, if you smell this roll, it will take you back to the bullfights. The smell of an outdoor bull ring.
DISALVO
Bullfights?
Frank and Larry smell the the paper rolls.
CAPELOTO
This one has a French smell.
MONTIFORTE
We call it the “ode de Paris,” it smells like escargot and garlic.
DISALVO
Your right.
MONTIFORTE
Now try this Frank, this scent will take you back to Rome. Our Italian scent, smells like a cannoli.
CAPELOTO
It does smell like a cannoli.
MONTIFORTE
Italians are known for their fish, we have a bun roll that smell like calamari, another smell like anchovies.
DISALVO
It’s nice to have an Italian touch to your toilet paper rolls.
MONTIFORTE
Our German bathroom rolls have a Germanic, scent. Brockwurst, is one our best smellers, I mean sellers.
DISALVO
Toilet paper that smells like Brockwurst. A novel idea. You know
When we visited Poland I remember the toilet paper was like sandpaper.
MONTIFORTE
We’ve taken care of that Frank, we weaned Polish folks off their centuries old toilet paper that feels like speed bumps for a smoother feel. We call it Polish Over and Under Armor. And to complete our Old world scents we have and Irish scent called “Almost Velvet.”
DISALVO
Almost Velvet?
MONTIFORTE
I could go on and on Frank but I’ve got to use your rest room.
DISALVO
Well we hope your business takes off, I think our audience agrees, it will give you a reason to visit the bathroom more often.
Let’s hear it for “The Inventor” Frank Montiforte.
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