Thursday, July 28, 2022

Montiforte "Old World Scents"

Wise Guys Cooking Old World Scents By Mike Colonna
MONTIFORTE We’re also creating a designer toilet paper. It’s a messy business but we decided to tackle in head on. DISALVO What do you call your new toilet paper brand. MONTIFORTE Frank, we’ve been experimenting with names, right now we’re looking calling it “skittle wipes.” Another name we’ve been toying with in “Nugget Huggies.” Which name do you and Larry prefer? DISALVO I like “Nuggie Huggies.” LARRY I like “skittle wipes.” It reminds me of those little brown chocolate skittles.” DISALVO Have you come up with a jingle or motto for your new toilet paper? MONTIFORTE My favorite is “We’re number 1 in the number 2 business.” DISALVO That’s resonates. What do think Larry? MONTIFORTE We’re thinking of a few brand names that will turn the TP business on it’s head. I’m excited about the names we’re looking at. Brown Forest, or Miracle Wipes. DISALVO Frank congratulations folks will be looking forward to going to the bathroom.
MONTIFORTE We’re creating a toilet paper that is soft to the skin. Some of the old brans have that sandpaper feel. CAPELOTO Some of the rough toilet paper out there makes you feel like your spending time stripping furniture. MONTIFORTE No only that, but scents and textures are very important. Women love perfumes, men love colognes, we plan to change the way folks look at toilet paper. Different fragrances from around the world. DISALVO I like the way you think. MONTIFORTE Some folks prefer lighting candles for their bathroom visits, lighting a match as it were, others use incense, I tell you boys you’re gonna love our fragrances.” DISALVO You’re keeping us in suspense. Let’s see what you’ve got.
MONTIFORTE Now remember these scents are “old world scents.” Monti pulls out four to five different rolls of toilet paper. MONTIFORTE We have scent from every old country. Let’s start with Spain, if you smell this roll, it will take you back to the bullfights. The smell of an outdoor bull ring. DISALVO Bullfights? Frank and Larry smell the the paper rolls. CAPELOTO This one has a French smell. MONTIFORTE We call it the “ode de Paris,” it smells like escargot and garlic. DISALVO Your right.
MONTIFORTE Now try this Frank, this scent will take you back to Rome. Our Italian scent, smells like a cannoli. CAPELOTO It does smell like a cannoli. MONTIFORTE Italians are known for their fish, we have a bun roll that smell like calamari, another smell like anchovies. DISALVO It’s nice to have an Italian touch to your toilet paper rolls.
MONTIFORTE Our German bathroom rolls have a Germanic, scent. Brockwurst, is one our best smellers, I mean sellers. DISALVO Toilet paper that smells like Brockwurst. A novel idea. You know When we visited Poland I remember the toilet paper was like sandpaper. MONTIFORTE We’ve taken care of that Frank, we weaned Polish folks off their centuries old toilet paper that feels like speed bumps for a smoother feel. We call it Polish Over and Under Armor. And to complete our Old world scents we have and Irish scent called “Almost Velvet.” DISALVO Almost Velvet? MONTIFORTE I could go on and on Frank but I’ve got to use your rest room. DISALVO Well we hope your business takes off, I think our audience agrees, it will give you a reason to visit the bathroom more often. Let’s hear it for “The Inventor” Frank Montiforte.

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