Monday, April 24, 2023

"Welcome to My World"

Like Chuck Norris, I just entered the world of the "Dean Martin Show." On my right was the set up for "Les Brown and his Band of Renown." To my left was Dean's bar stool and the famous stairway up to the "firepoll." Across the large studio was the library set w/Kenny Lane's piano and Dean's famous "Gouch." Later that morning the studio would come alive and rehearsal would begin.

Sunday, April 23, 2023

WGC Open

One Day 1. Mariachi’s DiSalvo Capeloto Intro DISALVO One of the things I learned In this business is how to make People laugh. What are you Laughing At Larry? I was reading one of those entertainment Magazines and that said the funniest laugh line, when you Open your act, is uttering the words “I am a married man.” (Pause Laff Track) A medical journal came out today From a very famous psychiatrist. He came Up with a theory that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... Then find a friend who has vodka and have a party.” (Laff Track) Tonight we have a great show. Tony Pomponio, our band leader is here. (Applause) Frank Montiforti, Tony “the Godfather” is here. (Applause) Our favorite Chicago funeral Director Franklyn C. Stiff is hear to talk about his new breakfast Menu at his at his “SunnySide” Up Cemetery is here. (Applause) And we’ll be in the kitchen with one of our favorite Chefs. (Applause)
2. Mariachi’s DiSalvo 8 Capeloto Intro DISALVO Let’s have a big round of Applause for Larry Capeloto. You know Banks may be in Big trouble. Larry was telling me He went to the ATM machine at His favorite bank, he tried to withdraw Money, and an I O U came out. (Laff track) You know, their rewriting history books To be Politically correct. One of the First things their changing Is the Christmas story. From now on the 3 Kings Will bring gift certificates. (Laff Track) Gaining weight seems to be On everybody’s mind these days I saw one sign that read Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00pm At the First Baptist Church. Please use the large double doors. (Laff Track) I know one gal that attended one of These weight loss programs. She quit early, if you saw her She had an hour glass figure With a couple of minutes to spare. (Laff Track) We have some surprises tonight. Our band leader will pour his Heart out as usual. (Laff Track) Frank Montiforte is back with Some of his favorite stories Larry and Tony “The Godfather” Dijerlando will talk about (Laff Track) The Shrink is back, Michael Dees Tries to straighten out the Tattered lives of some mentally Challenged patients. (Laff Track) And our Wise Guys will visit A famous Italian kitchen. Stick around.
3. Mariachi’s DiSalvo Capeloto Intro DISALVO There are crazy things happening In Washington these day. At one time we all thought the world Was flat. Then they decided it was round. Today we all know it’s crooked. (Laff Track) There’s a new study out for All of you people that want to Live longer. Scientists say the Most dangerous food to eat Is wedding cake. (Laff Track) They say the number one fear in life Is public speaking, and the number 2 Fear is death. What does that all mean? I’ll tell you what that all means, If you go to a funeral, you’re Better off in a casket that giving the Eulogy. (Laff Track) Speaking of Death, have you ever Wondered why funeral processions Go through red lights. What’s the Hurry? (Laff Track) Tonight we’re going to have Tonight we have our world famous Wise Guys Cooking cast Tony Pomponio, Frank Montiforte, Michael Dees, Tony Dijerlando will be here.
4. Mariachi’s Capeloto Intro DISALVO Welcome to Wise Guys Cooking, the Show that asks, if the average family Consists of 4.5 people who constitutes Who’s the other one half a person. (Laff Track) The homeless problem all over is Getting frustrating. The other day A panhandler walked up to me And asked “ Hey bud, could you spare $20 for a poor unfortunate fellow? Twenty? Isn’t that pretty steep? The panhandler said I don’t feel great Today, I want to get my work done early So I can go home and relax. (Laff Track) Driving through traffic these days Is like throwing your life on the line. The other day my wife called me In a frenzy, I said honey I can’t talk, I’m Busy, She said I’ve got some good news And some bad news. I said I’m real busy, just give me The good news. She said, the air bags work. (Laff Track) We are privileged to have our resident shrink Michael Dees tonight. (Applause) Frank Montiforte just got out of jail for Stealing 10 dollars worth of costume jewelry. (Applause) Larry Capeloto and Tony “The Godfather” Dijerlando are with us tonight, And a lot of other surprises. (Applause to commercial)
5. Mariachi’s Capeloto Intro DISALVO Thanks for being here tonight. I was just thinking, When we were young, we Want to change the world, now that we’re old, We want to change our depends. (Laff Track) You know when you’re getting older That’s when a fortune teller rather Read your face than your palm. (Laff Track) Kids are so smart these days, when I was a teenager my folks wouldn’t Let me drive until I was 18. My grandson Wanted to use my new corvette, he said Gramps the Bible says that if you don’t let Me have the car, you hate me. I said, where does it say that? He said Proverbs 13:24. He that spareth The rod hateth his grandson. (Laff Track) We’ve go a great show for you tonight. Tony Pomponio Is here, (applause) Frank Montiforte the Inventor is here. Tony “the godfather” Dijerlando is here. Franklyn C Stiff our favorite Chicago Funeral Parlor Association President is here. And one of our famous chefs will make A great Italian dish.
6. Mariachi’s Capeloto Intro DiSalvo We’ve got a great show for you Tonight. I read a headline in local newspaper This morning, a blind woman gets Kidney from Dad she hasn’t seen in years. (Laff Track) Another headline that caught my eye. You know Chicago’s been known as The home of many famous Mafia figures. I guess it still is. I read where a very shady character was walking backwards Around a building in Cicero. He backed into a knife...(Pause) 20 times. Yes he did. (Laff Track) You know these restaurants in Chicago Have the weirdest menu’s. I took my wife to dinner the other Night, I asked the waiter What’s tonight’s special. He said the Heimlich maneuver. Everyone’s a comedian. (Laff Track) In Washington their going crazy With all these legal cases. Last week, here in Chicago, an attorney Asked “how long have you known the Defendent? The Witness said About 12 years. The attorney said tell the Jury whether you think the defendant is The type of man what would steal this money or not. The witness said ‘How much was it.” (Laff track) Let’s get right to it. Tony Pomponio, Frank Montiforte, Michael Dees, Tony Dijerlando Are all with us tonight. And let’s Not forget the Larry Caploto, we Never want to forget Larry,
7. Mariachi’s Capeloto Intro DiSalvo Our laws are changing everyday here in Chicago. The other day the city council Decided that if someone With multiple Personalities Threatens to kill herself, it’s Considered a hostage situation. (Laff Track) Maybe you heard, In Rome there Having a drought. Their waiting For the clouds to pour out rain. Every fountain has been capped off. It’s getting so hot, and dry, (howHot is it) No really, the problem Is so serious....so hot And dry that Priests are Using Pinot Grigio for Baptisms. (Laff Track) The internet is the most frustrating Thing on the planet. If you have a Slow connection you know what I mean. We asked folks how slow does they’re Internet work? (Laff Track) When you click the “Send” Button, a Little door opens on the side Of your monitor, and a pigeon flies out. (Laff Track) You’ll love our show tonight. Our Wise Guys Cooking regulars are here, And we expect a lot of surprises.
8. Mariachi’s Open WGC Open Mariachi’s Frank DiSalvo Larry Capeloto We’ve got a great show for you tonight. Of course Larry Capeloto is here, Frank Montiforte is here, Tony Pomponio and Tony Dijerlando are here and lot’s of surprises. We’re here at the Dolly Sinatra lodge and as you know most all of the folks that live in the Palm Springs area are from out of town. How many folks are from the East Coast? How about the Midwest? Lot’s of folks from the West Coast. Do we have any one from New York? Chicago? Kansas City, lot’s of Kansas City folks, Los Angeles? Almost forgot about Canada, how many folks from Canada? Ok. We asked the audience to write down questions for Me and Ed.....with your name and where your’re from..... (Five Minutes) Sonny Villozzi, Mark Lantero, Brian Gallo, Mark Antonelli, Teri Nelson, Patricia Welch, Magician Jeff Hobson, Goldiggers, other entertainers, Aj’s, Slim Man, Trini Lopez, Sharon Sills, Gouthier, etc. Fessier. Jim Mahoney, Michael Dante, Jerry. We’ll be right back.